Dolly Parton sums up the quarantine mood in a hilarious poem dedicated to COVID-19

Dolly Parton is bringing her signature blend of honesty, keen observation and a healthy dose of humor to the COVID-19 pandemic. The superstar offered a goofy new poem dedicated to all those going stir crazy while cooped up in quarantine. 

Dolly kicks things off by yelling at someone off camera: “Can you hold it down in there? I’m trying to do a video in the studio!” 

“What? My accountant’s calling?” she continues, exasperated. “Well, tell him to kiss my assets goodbye, because they’re dwindling to nothing.”

It’s a familiar scene for many families, who suddenly find themselves in uncomfortably close quarters with no means to get a break from each other and no end to the quarantine in sight. Fortunately, Dolly is here to ease the cooped-up blues with an original poem she penned about the virus. 

“This too shall pass, as all things will / If the virus don’t kill us, the stay-at-home will,” she begins. “The kids are bored and restless, they scream and yell and squawk / And the teens and tweens, they’re just plain mean, they’ll bite your bleeping head off!”

Dolly is famous for steering clear of politics, but she did poke a little light-hearted fun at the country’s top politicians in her poem.

“And all those loving couples that were once so sweet and cozy / Now they’re fightin’ like cats and dogs, like Donald [Trump] and [Nancy] Pelosi,” she quipped. 

In addition to her thorny new poem about the plight of those stuck at home, Dolly is easing the quarantine blues with an upcoming bedtime stories read-aloud video series. Launching April 2 at 8PM ET, the series will be called Goodnight with Dolly, and feature children’s classics like The Little Engine That Could.

Copyright © 2020, ABC Audio. All rights reserved.

A poem for all of you 😂 pic.twitter.com/HpuWLfE5Mf

— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) April 9, 2020

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